Update - Time, Healing, and Physical Therapy

Well, today, my fourth post-op physical therapy appointment, my physical therapist said my muscles were the loosest they have ever been since I have been seeing her, which was about 5 months in 2010 and now.  That is amazing, and I was elated.  Last year, when we were all perplexed at was wrong with me, my muscles would get better and worse, and worse and better.  My hopes got up and hopes got crushed, until finally they were deleted altogether, and I just stopped going, as it was no help. 

My discs were out of place and no amount of physical therapy and no splint on earth would fix me.  Surgery was the only option.

Now I have had the surgery.  It has been a month.  My muscles are finally starting to behave and my pain is slowly, but surely, retreating.  The pain has won many battles with me.  Pain was actually undefeated. But, with the help of the surgery, and the help of prayers, healing is making a late comeback, and right now, it looks like it may win the war.

Even though physically I am doing great—honestly I am almost certain I am ahead of what is to be expected—I still am extremely overwhelmed and daunted by the scope of the recovery, 8-15 more months of not chewing.  Originally, I thought that this would be easier, since I would be getting better, and I had already gone without chewing for a year and a few months while getting worse.  But, I am still having a hard time not being “normal” and finding the strength to force myself to perform the duty of taking in calories.  

I am not sure if time is passing by quickly or slowly.  I really think it is just… passing.  I just know that 8 months seems like forever right now and 15 months to 2 years seems like an eternity. 

Right now this recovery is just as I remember the SAT to be.  First, I learned how to work the problems, figure the strategies, and master the material—the physical stuff. Then I had to work on speed and endurance to do everything for which I worked so hard in the allotted amount of time.  Right now, it’s all endurance.  It is a certainty that I am getting better physically, but I must believe I will achieve the mental strength, skills, and stamina to build my endurance, to finish all the problems correctly in my right amount of time.