Update - 2.5ish Months

Well since my Internet is finally back up and I am nearing three months of recovery since my surgery, I suppose it is time for an update.

I think the word that best describes how I have been feeling is deflated.

I knew this recovery was going to be rough and was possibly going to drive me to insanity. Well, I was right, even though I had hoped I wouldn’t be.  Everything seems to be going on schedule, which is why I can’t understand why 9 months of no chewing has suddenly been indefinitely extended.  I am scared to death that I may never get back to my old self or recover fully.  I feel like the life has just been sucked out of me.

Yes, I am in less pain, though still in a lot of pain.  My ears do ring less.  And my neck has much more mobility.  It’s just the  l e n g t h  of this recovery.  How long will it be before I am out of pain and in silence and feel 24?  I don’t know. That I don’t have a date, like I did—a countdown—is causing me to feel trapped.  I am so restricted as to what I can do and what I can handle.  I get exhausted so easily.

I just don’t feel good, at all.  I can hardly stand going in a restaurant, and I wish food did not exist.  I want to lie down.  I really miss singing.  I can talk okay with the splint, but I don’t like the feeling of it.  I like to watch TV and movies, but not all day everyday.  I can’t focus enough to read.  I can’t drive because of medication.  I just want to get on with my life and it is a fact that it will be a long time, possibly two years before I have any sort of normalcy.  For instance, eating a salad and sleeping in a bed.

I had the timeframe in my head as 9 months, and now that that has changed I just feel like this will never end.  I wish I had a better update and I know it’s a little whiney.

People always say things could be a lot worse, but I always say, well they could be a lot better too.  I guess it is just really hitting me that I am a long, long way from the homestretch. 

I really just hope to some day, before 2013, to get back to normal: eating a crunchy taco and laughing with some friends, going to sleep that night in my bed and waking up pain-free.